A nice weekend

This has been a busy crazy week. The dss social worker did not want teen to have to move out of this school zone since graduation is 3 months away. The agency only has us in this school zone. So the social worker is working on getting a behavioral intervention specialist to work with teen every day during the week from 3:30 - 5:30 so she is not home with Abbie. We decided to give it a try. Teen has been very well behaved and apologetic. We have also increased medications. I don't like kids or anyone else on meds unless they need them. At this time I think she needs them. And of course her therapist is the one to insist on upping the meds. So behavior was good until she said the f word to her teacher. Not good but dealable.
The girls had fun together this weekend. A lot of fun actually. That is always a blessing. Everyone went to church and everyone behaved. Abbie did say a little too loudly, as a teenage boy passed us "are you allowed to sag in church?" referring to his sagging pants.
Teen helped make dinner a got small burn on her finger. I told her to cut a bit from the aloe plant and put in on the burn. She looked at me like I was crazy. She told me it was gansta and ghetto. I have no idea why it would be gansta or ghetto but whatever.
I feel like every time I say everything is going well something happens. So I am praying that the calmness continues.

Information

More information has come to light about previous behaviors. Behaviors that would have stopped us from taking the placement. Why wasn't I told this up front? Did the worker not know? Did the worker not read the paperwork thoroughly??
Information is important!!!

Stress eating

I'm glad I had planned to take a vacation day today since the kids were out of school. I had great plans of taking the kids to visit my grandmothers but, like I always remind Abbie, plans sometimes change. We had a major breakdown last night that included a threat of physical violence towards Abbie. Not cool. So not cool.
I went back and forth to my support group trying to decide what to do. I prayed. And prayed. And couldn't sleep. And was hungry. I wish I was one of those people who can't eat when they are stressed. I stress eat. It's not good.
I'm upset and sad.

Over a month...

It's been over a month now with Teen living with us. What have I learned? Well, a 17 year old foster child is not the same as a 17 year old biological child. At 17 I wasn't much trouble. I obeyed the rules, had some freedom, held down a part-time job, did well in school. Just basically did what was expected of me. 17 year old foster kids may still have issues. I don't know about all of them, just the one I have. Her emotional age is more along the lines of a 12 year old. She is not secure, struggles with self-esteem and not a lot of impulse control. It's more like the preteen years than the teenage years. It worries me because she will be technically considered an adult soon (at 18 can sign herself out of foster care) and I don't think she is anywhere near ready. Where do we start with all she needs to learn? And of course, kids at this age think they know everything. I wasn't ready to be on my own at 18. I think very few kids are. Their brain does not fully develop until 25.
I am not saying for anyone not to take in a foster child this old. I think there is a big need for people to do this. Just be prepared that it may not be what you think. It is a lot more babysitting than I thought it would be. And it is hard for people to understand. I am exhausted. Teen wants constant attention, which she needs. And of course Abbie wants attention too. She is not willing to give up any attention for someone else. So all day long it's "mommy! Mommy!!".
Has anyone else wanted to change their name for just one day?
Btw, I love my girls

Another week.......

What a week. TGIF!!!! Emotional roller coaster all week long. The agency social worker called wanting us to take a 2 year old boy. Hubs and I went back and forth about it. And, of course, we didn't have a lot of time. They needed to place the child that day. We were concerned about having enough rooms. We have a 3 bedroom house. We have wanted to close in the carport to make 2 extra rooms but haven't done it yet. Could the girls share a room until we add on? Hubby thought no. I cried. Yeah, I'm a crier. I cried for the little boy and prayed for a good family for him. As if God was trying to show me how right Hubby was the girls had a break down that night. Teen gets very mean to me, shuts down, etc when Abbie is rude to me or doesn't listen. So, bad night. Slammed doors, LEAVE ME ALONE! Yuck.
A lot of drama and emotions going on. Teens' social worker called the next day about the same little boy. Broke my heart.
We've gotta start building soon!!!
And by the way, I've had my fill of girls at the moment. Boys next!

A good day

We had a very good day yesterday. Lots of running around. Teen got her eyebrows waxed (her request, I think that is unnecessary pain) and both girls got their nails done. Then we watched a movie as a family. We (the girls and I) declared it a day of beauty. These are the fun things to do with girls that help make up for the endless moodiness and drama. Teen sends very mixed messages about her family status. Constantly declaring her independence from us yet wanting to belong. Yesterday, when the nail lady asked if Abbie was my daughter I replied "they both are". I could see the obvious confusion on her face. I'm hoping it was because there was no way I could have a child as old as teen is. But, it was probably because we look nothing alike. Teen being if Hispanic heritage and me looking like my relatives came from Sweden. Blonde and pale. That's me. Anyways, I ignored nail lady's looks. Then later she asked if I had any sons. Not yet, I answered. She replied "oh, you're trying to have a baby?". Nope. My girls giggled. I told her my husband and I wanted to adopt a boy at some point. I could see my girls watching me wondering each time how I would answer all these questions.
Now, I know it sounds like this lady was being nosey but she was just being nice. It is the south. Everyone talks and asks lots of questions. I have mixed feelings about how to answer questions. I am a very open person who has no problem sharing. It's just the way I am. On the other hand I want to protect teens feelings and privacy. She never made any comment about the conversation in the nail salon but she was in a great mood the rest of the night. I'll take that as mom handled it well.

Our first placement

A few weeks ago I received a call that the therapeutic foster care agency had received our license from the main office and they had a placement for us. A seventeen year old girl. My first thought was "Uhhh....what???". Not what we were expecting at all. This teen needed a home in our county to finish up the school year and graduate. So, after lots of questions and discussions we decided to go for it. Teen arrived the next day. First day was ROUGH!!!! But, we survived and things went well for 2 weeks. This last week has been different. A lot of moodiness and not talking. I can imagine she has a lot going on in her head and the first two weeks she was trying to give us a good impression. Maybe now she is more comfortable?? Or maybe she's trying to see if we will kick her out?? I don't know. But, Abbie, the now 12 year has always been a moody child and moodiness doesn't bother me!! I pray that she becomes comfortable and happy and keeps working on her goals. : )