Life with girls and "no poo"

We made it through the week of suspension and spring break. Now we are riding the bi-polar roller coaster. Never knowing what each day will bring. But all is well.
Trying to show a teen and preteen the really important things in life is frustrating. I'm sure every parent of this age group knows that. But, as they get older hopefully some things will stick with them. This week was explaining why we are using cloth napkins instead of buying paper napkins. I am slowly trying to do better using less, creating less waste, etc. I have been making my own laundry detergent for over a year and loving it. I tried the whole no poo thing after reading about it everywhere but, I don't get it! My hair was horrible! I did it for over a month and I gave up. If you don't know about "no poo" it is a movement of not using shampoo because we really don't need to. Just water and baking soda and water and vinegar for conditioner. My hair was clean. But frizzy and hard. Yuck. Completely off subject .....
Teen graduates in a month. I really think she will make it and pray that she will stay in college. There is just no telling how she is going to react when she gets some freedom. I worry about it and try to remind her constantly how smart she is and how she needs to go to college and do something great with her life.
Teen and Abbie have not been getting along. When they do it is usually for a short period of time. Most of the time they are ignoring each other. The age gap is too big. They don't have a lot in common and since they both want all the attention they get angry when the other one gets any attention. I feel like I'm watching a ping pong match at dinner time. Turning my head from one side to the other. Back and forth, back and forth. No wonder I go to bed early.

School days

Things have been going well. Girls getting along better. Abbie and her pre teen issues popping out it's ugly head daily. Gotta love hormones.
Until last week. Teen had a break down at school and was suspended for the rest of the week. We had precautions in place but dumb me didn't think what to do if one of the precautions was out. Live and learn, right?
I was not happy with the situation. I didn't hear back from the principle. (I called 3 times) and I have the feeling as these school personnel were calling me, by the tone of their voices, that it was my bad parenting that was the cause of this. Yep, it's all my fault. Some are great. Others, even when they know I'm the foster mother, act like I'm doing this for the big bucks. And by the way, the front office knows my name now- Who's calling? Oh, teens mom.
Yep, that's me.
This being my first foster child, it's a weird badge to wear. People either think you're some kind of saint (which I'm not, just doing what God wants me to do) or I'm doing this for the money. Which, any normal person doing foster care knows it is not worth the little money we are given to help take care of kids. A senior in high school?? Seriously!! How much stuff do seniors need? And prom!! Now, DSS does pay for some senior supplies but nothing for prom. And I had no idea the insurance wouldn't pay for contacts. So, if I can pay for teen to have contacts and she wants them, am I going to say no? Whatever people.
My goal with teen is to show her God, love and know that she can have a great life.
Just needed to get it off my chest.

A nice weekend

This has been a busy crazy week. The dss social worker did not want teen to have to move out of this school zone since graduation is 3 months away. The agency only has us in this school zone. So the social worker is working on getting a behavioral intervention specialist to work with teen every day during the week from 3:30 - 5:30 so she is not home with Abbie. We decided to give it a try. Teen has been very well behaved and apologetic. We have also increased medications. I don't like kids or anyone else on meds unless they need them. At this time I think she needs them. And of course her therapist is the one to insist on upping the meds. So behavior was good until she said the f word to her teacher. Not good but dealable.
The girls had fun together this weekend. A lot of fun actually. That is always a blessing. Everyone went to church and everyone behaved. Abbie did say a little too loudly, as a teenage boy passed us "are you allowed to sag in church?" referring to his sagging pants.
Teen helped make dinner a got small burn on her finger. I told her to cut a bit from the aloe plant and put in on the burn. She looked at me like I was crazy. She told me it was gansta and ghetto. I have no idea why it would be gansta or ghetto but whatever.
I feel like every time I say everything is going well something happens. So I am praying that the calmness continues.

Information

More information has come to light about previous behaviors. Behaviors that would have stopped us from taking the placement. Why wasn't I told this up front? Did the worker not know? Did the worker not read the paperwork thoroughly??
Information is important!!!

Stress eating

I'm glad I had planned to take a vacation day today since the kids were out of school. I had great plans of taking the kids to visit my grandmothers but, like I always remind Abbie, plans sometimes change. We had a major breakdown last night that included a threat of physical violence towards Abbie. Not cool. So not cool.
I went back and forth to my support group trying to decide what to do. I prayed. And prayed. And couldn't sleep. And was hungry. I wish I was one of those people who can't eat when they are stressed. I stress eat. It's not good.
I'm upset and sad.

Over a month...

It's been over a month now with Teen living with us. What have I learned? Well, a 17 year old foster child is not the same as a 17 year old biological child. At 17 I wasn't much trouble. I obeyed the rules, had some freedom, held down a part-time job, did well in school. Just basically did what was expected of me. 17 year old foster kids may still have issues. I don't know about all of them, just the one I have. Her emotional age is more along the lines of a 12 year old. She is not secure, struggles with self-esteem and not a lot of impulse control. It's more like the preteen years than the teenage years. It worries me because she will be technically considered an adult soon (at 18 can sign herself out of foster care) and I don't think she is anywhere near ready. Where do we start with all she needs to learn? And of course, kids at this age think they know everything. I wasn't ready to be on my own at 18. I think very few kids are. Their brain does not fully develop until 25.
I am not saying for anyone not to take in a foster child this old. I think there is a big need for people to do this. Just be prepared that it may not be what you think. It is a lot more babysitting than I thought it would be. And it is hard for people to understand. I am exhausted. Teen wants constant attention, which she needs. And of course Abbie wants attention too. She is not willing to give up any attention for someone else. So all day long it's "mommy! Mommy!!".
Has anyone else wanted to change their name for just one day?
Btw, I love my girls

Another week.......

What a week. TGIF!!!! Emotional roller coaster all week long. The agency social worker called wanting us to take a 2 year old boy. Hubs and I went back and forth about it. And, of course, we didn't have a lot of time. They needed to place the child that day. We were concerned about having enough rooms. We have a 3 bedroom house. We have wanted to close in the carport to make 2 extra rooms but haven't done it yet. Could the girls share a room until we add on? Hubby thought no. I cried. Yeah, I'm a crier. I cried for the little boy and prayed for a good family for him. As if God was trying to show me how right Hubby was the girls had a break down that night. Teen gets very mean to me, shuts down, etc when Abbie is rude to me or doesn't listen. So, bad night. Slammed doors, LEAVE ME ALONE! Yuck.
A lot of drama and emotions going on. Teens' social worker called the next day about the same little boy. Broke my heart.
We've gotta start building soon!!!
And by the way, I've had my fill of girls at the moment. Boys next!